Mootopia

Join Mootopia now!

As of the last Utopiadaq Update on 7 March 2007, we are the best utopia in the planet, first out of the 5298 utopias on earth! Myopia remains a distant second.

We are located right beside Orchard MRT, which means that we are very convenient and accessible! Also, living in the “Orchard” area upholds your facade of being rich, so that your friends will be awed!

We are also located within 1km of Mooty Primary School, top 10 primary school. Through a contradictory premise, this school has produced a remarkable scholar, called Mooty, who created the school and utopia.

Mooty Secondary School is practically a stone’s throw away! Well, provided you can throw well, say 10km. It is a value-added school with last year’s high cut-off point of 280! This is due to its highly exclusive admission system. It currently has two students, who both are quoted as saying “It is very competitive.” Also, the school won value-added awards just last year, in the areas “Least Oily Canteen Floor” and “Best Polished Basketball Hoop”! This boils down to its Student-Servant Scholarship, which EMPOWERS all students to take up manual work, such as scrubbing canteen floors and polishing basketball hoops. As you can see, staying less than 10km away from such a prestigious school gives you a better chance of entering your beloved cuddly-wuddles into the school! (it is unisex.)

Let’s go into our utopia facility. There are various swimming pools. We are advocates of free will, and we believe that YOU should choose what YOU want to swim in! We currently have six swimming pools: Water, Oil, Ethanol, Sulphuric Acid , Lava and Cold Spaghetti With Tomato Sauce! No regular fee is required to swim in any of the pools, although a monthly premium of $30 is required if you would like to swim in the Water pool. But then again, who would want to swim in dull dreary Water if you have other alternatives?

The rooms are huge and spacious, too! But that is not the main point. Our utopia strives to enforce neighborliness between the residents of Mootopia. Therefore, there are lifts located in EVERY unit, that can be used to access ANY other unit, any other room at any time! Isn’t that convenient? However, some people may want to maintain their privacy. Well, they can! They just have to pay a small premium of $10 per room per month, and they can set a password protection for their respective rooms!

As if you aren’t bowled over by ALL these, the Bots will make your life much easier! Mootopia is one of only thirty-six utopias to employ state-of-the-art robots to serve the people. It is our belief that people are sacred, and should not be doing lame stuff like washing clothes, cleaning the floor, and other household chores that waste time! Therefore, as long as you stay on the Mootopia faculty, you can rent our hi-tech bots from our store, for only $40 a month! They can do anything, and will do anything to serve their master(s), even to the extent of risking life and death to do minor stuff such as cleaning the windows of their master. They come pre-programmed with basic broken English, though they speak fluent Robolog.

Have I been mentioning money all this while? So you expected Mootopia to have some cash system, huh? Well, you couldn’t be wronger. I’m sorry, I meant “more wrong”. Mootopia will be introducing a cashless system, to increase efficiency in the purchase of items! I am not even talking about a credit card system. All Mootopians, upon signing the “Not Hold Mootopia Liable For Any Fatal Mistake” Agreement, will be eligible to go for the complimentary CashChip v2.0 Insertion Process, organised by the Mooty Hospital. A computer chip, as well as a Mooty Minute MCash MRegister (also known coolly as the M4), will be installed inside your skin. The chip, which will keep a record of the amount of money you have deposited or withdrawn and your balance, will be invisible, but the cash register will be visible on your skin, for obvious reasons. So every time you purchase something, the cashier will just swipe his/her Network Card on your cash register to deduct cash credits from you. You may install the cash register practically anywhere on your skin. If you have not signed the Agreement and are not eligible for the CashChip, you can always borrow someone else’s M4 to make your transactions! Please watch this short cutscene to be convinced.

Ali: Hey, Caushic!
Caushic: Yo, man. I’m hip, cuz I’m a Mootopian.
Ali: Yeah. How’s life, man?
Caushic: Perfect. Look! (pulls down pants)
Ali: Oh my goodness! You got the M4 and the CashChip on your thigh! Wah, so lucky. I haven’t signed the Agreement yet, so I cannot go for the operation! So I cannot buy anything!
Caushic: No problem, man! I can go with you to buy whatever you want! You just need to insert your Network Card into me and key in the Leech password on my M4. Then I can follow you to wherever you go to buy your stuff for you!
Ali: Wow, that would be great! Thanks, Caushic!
Caushic: No problem, man. I’m just so happy cuz Mootopia’s perfect.
(*walks off to soothing music*)

I know, some of you might be thinking that because you are so-and-so a race, so-and-so an age, so-and-so a religion, you will be alienated and ostracised by the utopian community. Let us reassure you that that will never be the case. Upon entrance to Mootopia, all citizens immediately undergo a harmless procedure that will turn everyone’s skin colour a cool shade of elephant grey. With everyone having the same skin colour, how will there be racism? You will be allowed to practice your own religion as long as you like. However, the official religion for Mootopia will be Mootyism, and there is a minor administrative measure we have to do if a citizen does not want to follow Mootyism. Therefore, a small premium of $20 a month will have to be paid if you do not pick up Mootyism as the religion of your choice!

Of course, free will is everything we want you to have. Therefore, each citizen may choose up to three religions to practice, which may be changed ANYTIME at the Religions Council for a small fee of $50 to cover administration fees. In fact, the motto and catchy slogan of the Religions Council is: Pick and choose your religions, it doesn’t matter!

In case you are worried about the political structure for Mootopia, and how it might grow out of control amidst a perfect and comfortable world, your fears are really unfounded. We have hired a board of 12 Caucasian politicians to lead us. They were all carefully handpicked on the grounds of morality, intelligence, and the degree to which their accents are exaggerated. We believe strongly in foreign talent, and that they will manage Mootopia well. However, we do not want our citizens to be unhappy or unambitious as a result of this. Therefore, there will be political general elections held every month, to decide the new Board of Politicians and their Head, which is the Composite Minister. In fact, we want everyone to be happy and have no chance to be dissatisfied with the ‘guys at the top’. Therefore, we will put in place a rule that states: The Board of Politicians AND the Composite Minister may be chased out of office, and replaced by an interim robotic government if a party of at least three civilians want them to step down!

Leisure and recreation are also a must. We believe in grooming our talents in different areas. In fact, our desire is to qualify for the 2090 DotA World Cup! We have set in place a DotA Assistance Plan for identified young DotA talents, to attend the prestigious DotA academy in Mootopia for thirty years. Following which, they will attend international and even universal competitions for DotA.

Oh. So you find DotA too violent? Bloody? Gory? Ph34r not. We have been parents too, ad we understand perfectly where you parents are coming from. In fact, there will be NO BLOOD in the whole of Mootopia!… if you elect so. Anyone interested can go to the Mooty Hospital to attend the De-Bloodification Surgery, which only costs $110. Participants are immediately cleared of a single drop of blood, and replaced by soft, packaging peanuts instead. Therefore, you won’t have to be afraid of the sight of blood anymore!

Come on, you have got to admit that Mootopia is the BEST utopia ever to stay in! Why don’t you buy a unit here NOW? Units are being sold rapidly, and Phases 1 and 2A is already over! Phase 2B will be open tomorrow. Remember, only $9990 per square centimeter!

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